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Friday
May162014

« 9. EQ skills: Why is Julie trying to help? »

Written by Rachel Green. Director, The Emotional Intelligence Institute. MBTI coach with over 25 years MBTI experience, and author of the new book: "INFJ: What's it like to be one."

It was obvious what personality type Julie was simply by what she said to me before she left. No one else in the group had said it to me.

Emotional intelligence covers many dimensions and managing other people's emotions is a key one. However, Julie's way to try and manage my emotions was to do what she knew would work for her; what she didn't realise was that her way was more likely to irritate than soothe me!

Managing people's emotions it is not a simple emotional intelligence skill as there are many complexities involved and personality type is one of them.

It is so easy to simply fall into the habit of doing what we would like others to do to us. It doesn't always work though, as each personality type responds differently.

Sometimes we may be more successful if we suspend our own personality preferences, and instead, fully consider what the other person would most respond to and like. This is where knowing the other person's personality type can help.

Thus, while personality and emotional intelligence are different aspects of our human makeup, they can complement each other. If Julie had applied a deeper knowledge of personality types when trying to put me at ease, she could have displayed a higher level of emotional intelligence skills and been more successful. Instead she left me feeling irritated!

Different types have different aspects of emotional intelligence they find harder and easier. However, developing their emotional intelligence is vitality important for each type. Come join with me in this exciting new emotional intelligence coaching package and I will make sure it is personalised to you and your type.

What did Julie say?

Politely, and with a concerned look, Julie asked, "Are you sure I can't do the dishes?". She asked this even though I had already said a number of times that I wanted guests to leave the dishes.

There were about ten of us all having tea, coffee and cake at my place. We'd had a lovely afternoon together chatting, sharing stories and supporting each other. It had been delightful and we were all feeling good, myself included. A bit of an emotionally intelligent party, really!

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EQ skills: Everyone had left the dishes.

Everyone had left their cups and plates near the sink as requested, so I could put them in the dishwasher. All except Julie that is - she had started washing, again.

The group had been before and I was adamant last time that there was no need to do the dishes. In fact, I had stressed that doing the dishes in the sink used more water than the dishwasher and I preferred to save water.

I also stressed that when guests visit I like them to relax and do no work. It is all part of the way I invite people into my home.

Now on this second visit, Julie had started washing the dishes before I'd even had time to say anything. The others did what I asked and put theirs on the side. After two or three discussions Julie finally relented and stopped doing the dishes. I reassured her that I liked guests to relax and that I was not going to get upset if the dishes were left.

This time around she was again keen to help and to care for me. And that was the clue to her type. Her desire to help. Do you know which personality type she is?

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EQ skills: Understanding the different types

There are 16 different personality types on the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). It is very useful if you want to develop this aspect of your emotional intelligence to understand your own type and those of your team members and family and in this case, your friends. Why? Because, as this situation showed, everyone responds differently to the same situation.

Julie was the only one who instinctively started washing the dishes. Julie was the only one who was concerned that I was being left with the dishes. She wanted to help me; not out of compulsion or obsessive neatness but because of her type preferences.

She found a way to help me that she thought was very practical. She was concerned that I was being left with a large washload that she could ease for me. And, she felt happy and satisfied to be able to do the work for me.

Do you know what type she is?

It's important that you do know people's types. In this case, Julie's type can get worn out through always helping people. They also run the risk of being walked all over and used.

Different types have different aspects of emotional intelligence they find harder and easier. However, developing their emotional intelligence is vitality important for each type. Come join with me in this exciting new emotional intelligence coaching package and I will make sure it is personalised to you and your type.

EQ skills: Julie's type

Oh, and Julie's type; have you guessed it? She's an ISFJ. A person with the preferences of Introversion - Sensing - Feeling - Judging.

ISFJs are one of the least assertive of the types. They take care of people often before they take care of themselves. They want to leave people feeling loved and cared for - two important emotions.

However, there is more than one way to help people feel loved and cared for. There are 16 different ways, at least. That's why learning about type can help us develop our emotional intelligence.

Did you get it right?

ISFJs are dependable and considerate, faithful in carrying out responsibilities and work steadily to complete jobs fully and on time. They will go to great trouble to do something they see as necessary and focus on what people need and want. They take roles and responsibilities seriously.

Yes Julie was an ISFJ. And I'm not!

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EQ at work, INFJ: Get to know your type, increase communication effectiveness and lower conflict

There is so much that you or your team can learn so that you develop greater understanding of, and skills with, your communication, personality and relationships at work and home. The EI Institute has a number of options to help you:

  1. If you are an INFJ or live or work with one, then this 2018 book by Rachel Green, our Director, is a must read: "INFJ: What's it like to be one."
  2. If you are in Western Australia, a high energy, MBTI interactive team-building workshop can be organised for you: "Getting on: MBTI Team building".
  3. Meditation appeals to many introverts and we have a very popular audio-download on meditation called: "Happy Not Hassled". A perfect way to introvert and stay healthy.
  4. There is superior 1-1 coaching; and the MBTI is included as part of our smart leadership coaching package. You can find out your MBTI type and develop the skills you need, with Rachel Green.

For more details or to make a booking e-mail us now or pick up the phone and call us.