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« 3. Emotional resilience: The three pillars »

Written by Rachel Green. Director, The Emotional Intelligence Institute. Author of "How to develop emotional resilience and manage your emotions".

Emotional intelligence competency five, at a high level, is the ability to manage all of your emotions skillfully and consistently well across a wide range of situations. This is a sophisticated level of emotional intelligence.

How good are you at managing your own emotions? I suspect, like many people, you are better in some situations than others, and more skilled in managing some emotions than others. How good you are affects how emotionally resilient you are.

Martin Seligman talks about three types of people in terms of emotional resilience based on his work with the USA army. He says that there are those who:

  1. Have their lives ruined by working in combat roles and suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), depression or anxiety for the rest of their lives, and they need treatment to help them.
  2. Are resilient to trauma. Operationally they go through a very hard time but three to six months later psychologically and physically they have returned to where they were before the trauma. He says this applies to the majority of people.
  3. Experience what he calls, Post Traumatic Growth - PTG. Seligman describes these as the "If it doesn't kill me it will make me stronger" group. They are people who operationally go though a very hard time but a year later they are better off both psychologically and physically. They are stronger than they used to be. This is the MENSA group with regards to emotional intelligence and emotional resilience.

I have a colleague who fits this category of post traumatic growth. He has gone through a gruelling, unexpected and unwanted divorce which left him shattered. However, he has used all his powers of emotional intelligence, and has pulled through to come out on the other side of his divorce, better than ever.

Physically, emotionally and spiritually he is healthier than before. The transformation is inspiring to me. He looks so well. His energy is sparkling. He is so happy. And all this despite his being financially far worse off.

How can you develop even greater skills in emotional self-management and emotional resilience? The first step is to understand the three main pillars of emotional intelligence involved. 

Each pillar represents an important aspect of the skills you need to be emotionally resilient, to be skilled at emotional self-management and to flourish, even in a negative world.

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There are separate articles written on each of the pillars:

The first pillar: Keeping your cool.
The second pillar: Self-calming techniques.
The third pillar: Generating positive emotions as a foundation.

There are then plenty of additional articles on specific techniques that can be used to develop the emotional intelligence skills required in each area. 

Featured Video

The three pillars of emotional resilience: The opening chapter from the emotional resilience DVDs

Want to develop your emotional resilience, our unique 2 DVD set, plus ebook, plus MP3s are here to help you.

Emotional resilience premium bundle $317 $189. Add to Cart

                   Save $128. Free shipping worldwide

How high is your emotional intelligence & emotional resilience?

There is so much that you can do to develop your emotional resilience and the E.I. Institute has a number of options to help you:

Worried that you don't have enough emotional resilience and that you need to develop your emotional intelligence more? Our unique, practical, 5-star emotional intelligence coaching package is available for you and includes the opportunity to have your emotional intelligence assessed. Boost your resilience now. Find out more here.